Uninspired

I've missed you old friend. It's been too long since we've talked. Yes, I mean you, my blog.

Yes, it has been awhile since I've posted. I realized that I have been quite uninspired lately. Nothing is catching my eye. I'm not noticing the cute stuff, the fun stuff, the unique stuff, nothing really. Except the daily stuff. The cleaning, cooking (okay, maybe not much cooking!), bathing, driving, etc. I've allowed myself to fall back into that rut, that stick my head down and plow ahead rut, that I worked so hard to get out of!

When I began my blogging life, it was to encourage myself to take pleasure in the ordinary. To notice the small joys my children so wonderfully appreciate. I wanted to stop and smell the flowers. I wanted to make a conscience effort to enjoy being a mom, wife and friend and not just trudge through life "getting things done".

So, I'm back! Back with my watchful eye and grateful heart.


What's new? I spent the night with my 4 year old, holding her hair back as she threw up. Then I had to get up in the morning, even though I was tired, and go to work. Where I plastered on a smile and helped wherever I could. How blessed am I?? Very!

As Ella and I layed there together, me rubbing her arm, her breathing softly, she leaned closer, spooned up against me and said, "thank you mommy, I feel much better now. I hope I always throw up in your room."


And, as tears welled up in my eyes, I said, "me too honey, me too."


Everyday that I get to spoon my girls, everyday that I get to be the one holding their hair back, is a day that God has given me more than I could ever have prayed for.

Swim Party

Thanks to Grandpa and Grandma Johnson
for a wonderful swim weekend!
We experienced the Adventureland Swim Park

for the first time. What an awesome time!

My little fish loved it!

Ella was as cute as ever. Being the least experienced of my fish,
she chose to keep her water wings on the WHOLE time.

Now, one of the pools was only 1 1/2 feet deep,

but that didn't stop her!

However, she was braver than usual

when it came to the water slides.

She went down all of them!

Claire, my big fish, loved it. She had her goggles and she was off.

Claire loves to swim. I think she is the most comfortable

when she is in water!

Her favorite part was the big water slide and

bellying up to the pool side bar for a smoothie.

Oh no! We're in trouble!!

Avery couldn't get enough of the water.
She is definitely going to follow in Big Fish's

fin prints! Her first reaction was hesitation.

She walked out to the pool area with her

usual furrowed brow. But, it didn't take her

more than 5 minutes to start putting her face

in and splashing and laughing!

Avery soon discovered that jumping in was her favorite.

She would beg and beg to put up on the side and then

she would hold on to your fingers and "jump" in!

She'd laugh and laugh and the beg for more.

She was so cold and shivering, but loved it none the less.

As for mom and dad, we just loved being able to relax with our girls. We loved watching them swim and play and laugh and splash. We enjoyed hanging out with G and G and Jamie. It was so much fun to play games and eat and eat and eat!

It was truly a wonderful weekend and we thank you!

Put her in a bottle!

"God, Thank you for sending Jesus down to us. Thank you for my webkinz. Thank you for all the food and clothes and stuff you give us. Thank you for making all the stuff you make to give us this perfect world. Thank you for this perfect life and this perfect world. I love you God. Thank you for fixing our car door. You make us a perfect life and a perfect world and we love you so much. Amen." Said Ella tonight in her beautiful, sweet, soft little voice.

She makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to be the kind of person who always sees the good in others. The kind of person who stops to help a stranger with the door, who offers a smile to anyone walking her way, who always remembers to send that card that means so much.

She makes me want to journal. To record every kind and beautiful thing I see and experience. To take notice when my 7 year old holds my hand for no reason, or pats my back as she walks by. To save the scribbles my 16 month old makes on the Costco receipt that I gave her just to keep her quiet and that she somehow found a pen and marked all over.

She makes me want to live in constant gratitude to a God who is perfect. A God who cares for us perfectly, right where we are. A God who does provide so generously to me and my family. A God who loves me even more than I can love my children, and today, that is a lot!!!

*Side note* In regards to God "fixing" our car. Here's the story. The girls and I were at the Y last night for swim team. We pulled in, parked and tried to open the passenger sliding door. Nothing. Wouldn't open. It just made this terrible sound. Of course, we weren't early, so we headed in and prayed that the door would be better when we came back out. After practice, we get to the car, push the magical little door open button, nothing. Door still won't open. So I get all 3 kids in through Avery's side, get everyone buckled and throw it in reverse to get out... Beep, Beep, Beep. My car's lovely safety device goes off. If a door is open, even partially, a loud, obnoxious beep goes off until you put it in park. Then, the interior lights start flickering on and off because this door is apparently half shut, half open. So I stop, get out, try to push the door shut and try to leave again. Still with the beeping. So I let out a sigh and apparently a "oh God please" or something to that effect. I try to call Dave twice, no answer, so I push the door open/close button again with my eyes closed... it opens!!! Then shuts soundly and the beeping stops. And Ella exclaims, "God fixed our door Mommy!!!".

"Yes, honey, he did!", I say with a smile.

Watch what you wish for...

Happy 16 month Birthday, Avery!

Our baby is 16 months old today! I can't believe how fast the time has gone. I know we all say that, but I really can't. I can so vividly remember being pregnant with Avery, and the days and months right after she was born. She was such a sweet, sweet baby. Oh, how I miss those days!

I've been anxiously waiting for my little bug to start walking. I've been complaining about her delayed development in this area, and concerned about her stubbornness in achieving this milestone. Well, apparently God knew what he was doing because, she's walking... and she's twice as much trouble now!! But she's also twice as cute!! I love watching her explore on those two wobbly little legs. What a doll!

The Rousehouse started a new tradition tonight, "Family Wii night". We ordered pizza and played Wii all night long! What a great night! Dave and I raced each other in Mario Cart ( I won ), we all played 2 games of bowling ( Ella and I won ) and Claire and I played tennis ( Claire won ). We had so much fun. Avery walked all over the place, playing in the playroom and on the steps ( of course! ). It was one of those nights that you always picture in your head, when dreaming of the perfect family night. Everyone laughing and getting along. Ella congratulating everyone and giving high fives. Claire laughing and cheering and scowling ( she's quite competitive, I don't know where she gets that! ). Dave and I just simply enjoying our kids.

Isn't that what's it's all about. I know that we all say it, but how often do we do it? How often do we really just stop and play? I know that it is getting easier and more frequent for us. That is yet another blessing that this last year has brought us... a new found desire to spend time together. To slow down and enjoy the moment.

Thank you God for our beautiful Avery. Thank you for making her strong and independent. Thank you for the gift of family. You have blessed our house and our lives with good friends, family and fun.

Vicarious

Vi-car-i-ous: felt or enjoyed through imagined participation in the experience of others: a vicarious thrill.

Sounds good to me. So why does it have such a hard time? I suppose it's those parents that get a little too excited while living vicariously through their children. Anyway, I'm not one of those.... well most of the time I'm not!

I love it! I love the excitement in the air. The anticipation. The nerves. The competition. I love checking out the other racers, looking in their eyes for a hint of fear, or pride, or confidence.

I love the race! The buzzer, the splash, then the mad dash to the other end! I love watching the little heads pop up out of the water the second they touch the wall and look from side to side to see where everyone else is.

I love the moment after. When I wrap her up in towel and a hug. When we talk about how we did. Good start? Strong kicks? "Did I win!?" She asks so excitedly. "You did great!" I say, hardly able to keep my pride, and competitiveness, inside me.

Yeah, I live vicariouly through my children. Because I love them and I love what they do.

Do I get excited? Do I critique? Do I insist on practice most of the time? You bet! But, at the end of the day, no matter how many ribbons we have or races we've won, my girl knows I love her.

And the best part, she loves it too!

Good mommy

Okay, this is ridiculous! Tomorrow the HIGH temperature is -4 degrees! How is that possible? The low is -17 degrees which is even more ridiculous. And to top it off, no school! That's right, let's freeze us out and lock us up together.

So, I have two options for tomorrow. I can be "good mommy" or "bad mommy". Seems like an easy choice, doesn't it? But it's not always. Sometimes being "good mommy" is hard.

I don't always want to talk nice. I don't always want to listen to the same question, comment or concern for the third, fourth and fifth time. I don't always want to make a warm breakfast, clean up the dishes, put away the left overs and then 2 hours later, do it all over again. I don't always want to be "present". I don't always want to play Sequence, Candyland, Webkinz, tea party, Pixo's, American Girl, blocks, dress-up or grocery store. I don't always want to be referee, medic, coach, cheerleader and water girl. I don't always want to be "good mommy". Sometimes I want to be "bad mommy".

Sometimes, I want to sleep in and make them find their own breakfast. Sometimes, I want to turn on the T.V. shut my office door and play on the computer. Sometimes, I want to yell at the tattler and send the tattlee to her room, without even listening to the complaint. Sometimes, I want to send them to "play nice downstairs" and then complain that they're laughing, screaming and playing too loudly. Somtimes, I want to stick the baby in her high chair with Froot Loops and leave her there until she's begging to get out. Sometimes, I want to go in the laundry room to fold laundry, and then linger longer than needed until someone finds me. Sometimes, I want to throw my hands up and say "leave me alone already" when I all they want is a little attention and love. Sometimes, I just want to be "bad mommy".

Now, sometimes "bad mommy" is as good as it gets, and that's okay. "Bad mommy" still loves her kids and provides the most basic of needs. "Bad mommy" has the right to appear every now and then, guilt free!

But tomorrow, I'm going for "good mommy". I'm going to plan ahead, pray for help and jump out of that bed ready to go. I'm going to cook breakfast, play with kids, make crafts, bake cookies, read books, play house, build a tent and make a living room picnic lunch...... Then I'm putting the baby to nap, popping some popcorn and putting the girls down with a movie, while I play on the computer.....

Can't be "good mommy" all day!!

Enjoy the cold, and hug your family today, it'll keep you warm!

Moments in time

How do we measure time? In moments? Minutes? Gray Hair? I tend to get quite reflective this time of year, as it is my wedding anniversary and birthday. Yes, I'll be 34 tomorrow! Don't look a day over 40!

Today, Dave and I celebrate 9 years of marriage! Wow! What a deal. There are times that it feels like just yesterday, and then there are times that it feels like an eternity!

We moved in together after we were married (makes us seem so old-fashioned doesn't it?) into a tiny little apartment. We loved that place! It was our first little love nest. We adopted our first cat, sunny, who arrived full of fleas, ear mites and PTSS (post traumatic stress syndrome). After nurturing sunny back to health and surviving a couple scary work moments (remember that long walk Dave?) we bought our first house.

I'll never forget the day we found our first house. We cut through town on 52nd St. for some unknown reason and saw the house. We stopped, looked, fell in love and bought it that day. So many incredible memories:
* Dave and I loved to relax and watch TV. We loved just being together and hanging out.
* Claire was born on Nov. 15, 2001. We brought her home from the hospital to a clean house, with candles lit and soft music playing (thanks Ashley!). Sunny sniffed her then walked away with his tail in the air!
* Claire's first tree swing and first play set.
* Our first Christmas as a family.
* All of Claire's firsts are burned into my memory. I will never forget that house or all the joy that was shared there.

When Claire was 1 1/2 we moved to our second house. We found our place in the suburbs! I became involved in our church and mom's groups. Dave and I enjoyed hanging out with friends and taking care of our house and yard. We had Ella when we lived in this house. What an experience. Ella came into this world with a broken heart, but managed to fill our hearts with so much love we didn't think it possible. Dave and I learned so much during our medical journey with Ella. We learned the importance of communication and forgiveness! We learned how to truly surrender to God and have complete faith in our Almighty Healer. Dave and I discovered that together we can survive anything and that we are stronger on the other side!

God blessed us with our third child the summer of '07 so we moved again. Avery was welcomed into our new house on Sept. 24, 2007. Things have been a roller-coaster ever since!

This last year has been a lesson in communication and faith. It has been riddled with fear, excitement, change and challenge. Through it all one thing has remained constant: we are a family and Dave and I are a team. We remain together, side by side, through the bad times and the good (and there have been so many good!) We stay faithful in prayer and remember that with God, all things are possible!

I am excited to embark upon another year with my husband. I'm excited to continue this journey that God has laid out for us. I can't wait to watch my children grow and change. To see Ella head off to Kindergarten. To see Claire continue to mature right before my very eyes. To watch Avery learn to walk and talk, maybe, please!
I look forward to the changes in store for us. New jobs, new homes, new adventures!
Thank you to all of you who have helped Dave and I survive, I mean enjoy, these last 9 years!
Here's to many more!
I love you, Dave.
j