2 down, 1 to go....

"The bus is here, the bus is here!"

Claire and Ella headed off to school for the 09-10 school year.

I absolutely cannot believe that I have 2 kids in grade school.

And more than that, I can't believe my baby Ella is out on her own, in school, as we speak.

Where does the time go?

Claire was excited to start 2nd grade.

She enjoys school so much and I think she'll have a great year.

She know a lot of kids in her class this year, unlike years past, so that's fun.

Claire has a great teacher, Mrs. Julseth.

I'm excited to watch Claire grow this year!

Ella started Kindergarten this year. She is definitely ready! I was not so ready, but it's not about me! Ella was so excited to go to school she was up and dressed before I even made it to the shower. She couldn't ride the bus with the big kids the first 2 days because Kindergarteners do transition days, but she got to go all day today.

Ella is going to do great! I can't wait to post all the cute things she says and does and all the amazing discoveries she's going to make along the way.

As for Avery, she has a few more years. But in the meantime, she gets to play, tumble, sing, swim and nap. Not a bad gig!

As for mom, I'm just putting one foot in front of the other. I'm excited about the school year starting, fall coming and life continuing to change.

I thank God today for opening my eyes to the things that matter the most to me. I plan to spend this school year watching for and finding all the great things happening around me. I am truly blessed.

I hope you and your kids all have a great year and I promise to get back to posting the ups, downs and all-around fun times happening at the Rouse House!

The exciting days of our lives.....

Wow! So much has happened since I last posted.

Where to begin:

* Janelle has finally adjusted to full-time work. Apologies to all of those who had to work through that with me. It was not the easiest adjustment, but they never are. I'm glad to say I now get up every morning by 6:45 without too much trouble. I am now able to come home every afternoon and not complain the entire evening about having to go back. I have even learned how to run errands and go to kid's activities in the evening and still find time for house chores and hubby time. Who knew there was so much more time in the evening when you don't spend it complaining and wishing for more!

* Ella Grace graduated from Preschool. Yes, my baby #2 is heading off to Kindergarten this fall, just one day after she turns 5!

I have a very hard time believing that my little baby, my red-headed little spitfire, my snuggle bug, the light of my life, is going off to the big K.

Claire completed 1st grade with flying colors. She is such a kind and

caring girl. We are very proud of her. I wish I could have the empathy I see in her.

She is also our most sensitive. Of the three girls, she had the hardest time adjusting to me going back to work. I think that because she has

had me home all her life, and is old enough to know the difference, she

really struggled with me being gone in the morning. I usually get home

soon after her, but it was the mornings that she struggled with the most.

I also had to learn to balance work and volunteering at her school. As

home room mom I had responsibilities, but as Claire's mom I had to

"be there". She wanted to see me in the classroom, laminating and cutting, like I used to. I learned that taking 2 hours out of my day to "volunteer" in her classroom was well worth the cost to make her feel better, and me too!

And Avery, well, Avery is Avery. Sweet, funny as can be, TROUBLE, cuddly, daring, brave, smart, curious, couragous,

tricky, talented, hilarious, vibrant, a blessing from God.

She definitely completes our family... Yes, I am NOT having any more kids!

Avery makes the world a better and place and to be able to be a part of that, to watch that happen as she grows, is truly something this working mom does not deserve!

Blessings to you all.

Love,

j

April Fool's Day

April Fool's

That is what I found, printed in my adorable 7 year old's writing, on a piece of paper in my shower. What I did not find... any of my shampoo, conditioner or soap!

The little stinker played an April Fool's joke on me! How clever is she?!

Claire amazes me. Mostly I'm amazed that God gave her to me. When I was growing up I knew I wanted to be a mom. I desperately wanted that experience of unconditional love. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, I was just never sure that I would be a good mom.

I have struggled all my "mom life" with fears around parenting. I fear that I'm too harsh, too lenient, too demanding, too strict, not strict enough, I offer too much praise, not enough praise, you know the list. I always doubt my abilities, my "God-given" motherly instincts.

I have always been so scared that my daughter would be hurt. That she would suffer in some way. That friends would be mean to her. Boys would break her heart. Failure would find her in someway.

I thought that if I was a good enough mom, if I planned all the right activities, sent her to the right preschool and camps, joined the right playgroups, attended enough PTO meetings, that I could protect her from harm.

What an exhausting way to parent! I have been praying about this for years. Asking God to help me protect her. To help me parent her in a way that would guide her down the right path. And always, at the end of my prayers, every night, I say, "Please instill in my children the desire to know and do your will".

As you know, I went back to work full-time a little over a month ago. Part of that process has been letting some stuff go. I can't do it all. One thing I've been letting go is my "control" over my kids. What I thought was a sacrafice, is turning out to be a gift.

It turns out that I was asking God to help me with my parenting, but I didn't actually move over to let him in. I was asking him to work through my children, but then I was still trying to carrying the burden myself. He's been trying, I was just too busy controling to notice.

What happens when I let go a little? Claire begins to find her own way!

She is growing in confidence. She is challenging herself in school. She's "bragging" about her accomplishments. She is accepting challenges and rewarding herself.

She is finding God all on her own!

Here is her sweet story: A few nights ago she started reading her My First Study Bible again. She was reading it last night at bedtime and asked for 10 more minutes. I said sure and she asked me to come get her when the time was up. I head downstairs to do my stuff. 1 hour later, my Claire comes downstairs, "Mom! You forgot to come get me! I read the whole Bible mom, the whole Bible. You know, this is a good book!"

How sweet is that!

Happy Half Birthday Avery

Happy Half Birthday my sweet, sweet baby!

I hope you always know how much you are loved!

I hope you never lose that fiesty attitude!!

We love you so very, very much!

and baby makes 3....

So as not to leave Avery out.

Here is her latest escapade!

I'm running around putting laundry away and picking up and I notice Avery is no longer following me around.

While I enjoy the peace for a moment, I wonder what she found that's better than bugging me.

So I call, "Avery?"

"Mama!" I hear. "Mama" again.

I follow that sweet little voice to her sister Claire's room.

Voila! She's climbed up to the top bunk and is enjoying a good book!!!

She smiles at me. Completely unaware of just how lucky she is.

"Hello down there!"

To be so easily entertained!

God bless my crazy, happy Avery!

Why I do it

No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and his love is brought to full expression in us. 1 John 4: 12.

Look at these beautiful faces. Everyday I am amazed at their beauty. What gifts!

My children remind me everyday what Love is really all about: Sacrafice, laughter, forgiveness, kindness, crafts and cookies!

My husband reminds me what it feels like to be Loved: Safe, happy, free, warm, trusted, protected, giddy and goofy!

It's so easy for me to forget about Love. I get so wrapped up in the "business of life".

Get up, get showered, get dressed, get breakfast, get going, get in, get updated, get busy, get working, get fed, get out, get home, get dinner, get clean, get jammies, get to bed!

There is so much more to life than just getting it done. I have to stop, I have to feel, I have to laugh, I have to enjoy, I have to relax, I have to love.

God does show his Love through us. Everytime my baby runs to me saying "mamama" burying her head in my legs. Everytime my Ella runs to me, dancing and twirling and laughing. Everytime my big girl turns to me and says, "mama, I love you".

What am doing to show God's love? Am I showing grace when I want to complain? Am I showing faith when I'm in doubt? Am I showing love, to all those I could be? Probably not.

But the best part... there's always tomorrow!

Gratitude

I don't know what to say. I've been so busy. I knew going back to work would be hard, but it has certainly challenged me in ways I didn't expect.
I have had many "challenging moments" in the last three weeks, but they have all been over come with the same tool.... Gratitude.

I miss my kids.
I miss being there in the morning when sweet Ella is quiet and her voice is less baby, more big kid.
I miss Claire. I miss watching her do her own hair, pack her lunch, eat her breakfast and then throw her back pack over her shoulder and run off to catch the school bus. I can't help but remember how I felt when she first started preschool or the day the bus came for the first day of Kindergarten, and I followed behind in my car all the way to the school.
I love listening to Avery talk in her crib for half and hour before I even attempt to get her up. I love sitting in her room as she laughs and plays hard-to-get in her crib.

I miss my lunches.
I miss meeting my "mommy friends" or the grammys and grampys for lunch. I love good food and good conversation with my Ella.

I miss my afternoon break.
I miss my computer time. My email and facebook time. I miss organizing my to-do lists and sifting through my papers.

I miss afterschool time.
I miss making fruit smoothies for Ella. I miss playing the crib game with Avery again at nap time. I miss the "I'm home. Can I watch a show?" greeting from my big girl.

I don't miss the constant pull on me.
I don't miss the picking up, cleaning up, wiping up, washing up and fixing up.
I don't miss the mid-day boredom or the absence of adult conversation.
I don't miss the chauffeuring.

I like my work clothes. I like my co-workers. I like my office lingo. I like my independence. I like my sense of worth that I'm helping others through my work.

My opinion of the job, the day and the moment depend on my state of Gratitude.
When I'm grateful for my opportunity I don't miss the other stuff.
When I'm grateful for my nanny I don't miss the kid stuff.
When I'm grateful for the change I can make in the world I don't miss the me stuff.

Do I wish I could have it all... sure. Who doesn't?
Do I want to give up and go back to what I know and what's comfortable...not today.

Ask me tomorrow!

Thank you to my friends and family that continue to let me blow off steam, frustration, fear and guilt. Your support means the world to me.