I don't know what to say. I've been so busy. I knew going back to work would be hard, but it has certainly challenged me in ways I didn't expect.
I have had many "challenging moments" in the last three weeks, but they have all been over come with the same tool.... Gratitude.
I miss my kids.
I miss being there in the morning when sweet Ella is quiet and her voice is less baby, more big kid.
I miss Claire. I miss watching her do her own hair, pack her lunch, eat her breakfast and then throw her back pack over her shoulder and run off to catch the school bus. I can't help but remember how I felt when she first started preschool or the day the bus came for the first day of Kindergarten, and I followed behind in my car all the way to the school.
I love listening to Avery talk in her crib for half and hour before I even attempt to get her up. I love sitting in her room as she laughs and plays hard-to-get in her crib.
I miss my lunches.
I miss meeting my "mommy friends" or the grammys and grampys for lunch. I love good food and good conversation with my Ella.
I miss my afternoon break.
I miss my computer time. My email and facebook time. I miss organizing my to-do lists and sifting through my papers.
I miss afterschool time.
I miss making fruit smoothies for Ella. I miss playing the crib game with Avery again at nap time. I miss the "I'm home. Can I watch a show?" greeting from my big girl.
I don't miss the constant pull on me.
I don't miss the picking up, cleaning up, wiping up, washing up and fixing up.
I don't miss the mid-day boredom or the absence of adult conversation.
I don't miss the chauffeuring.
I like my work clothes. I like my co-workers. I like my office lingo. I like my independence. I like my sense of worth that I'm helping others through my work.
My opinion of the job, the day and the moment depend on my state of Gratitude.
When I'm grateful for my opportunity I don't miss the other stuff.
When I'm grateful for my nanny I don't miss the kid stuff.
When I'm grateful for the change I can make in the world I don't miss the me stuff.
Do I wish I could have it all... sure. Who doesn't?
Do I want to give up and go back to what I know and what's comfortable...not today.
Ask me tomorrow!
Thank you to my friends and family that continue to let me blow off steam, frustration, fear and guilt. Your support means the world to me.
