April Fool's
That is what I found, printed in my adorable 7 year old's writing, on a piece of paper in my shower. What I did not find... any of my shampoo, conditioner or soap!
The little stinker played an April Fool's joke on me! How clever is she?!
Claire amazes me. Mostly I'm amazed that God gave her to me. When I was growing up I knew I wanted to be a mom. I desperately wanted that experience of unconditional love. I always knew that I wanted to be a mom, I was just never sure that I would be a good mom.
I have struggled all my "mom life" with fears around parenting. I fear that I'm too harsh, too lenient, too demanding, too strict, not strict enough, I offer too much praise, not enough praise, you know the list. I always doubt my abilities, my "God-given" motherly instincts.
I have always been so scared that my daughter would be hurt. That she would suffer in some way. That friends would be mean to her. Boys would break her heart. Failure would find her in someway.
I thought that if I was a good enough mom, if I planned all the right activities, sent her to the right preschool and camps, joined the right playgroups, attended enough PTO meetings, that I could protect her from harm.
What an exhausting way to parent! I have been praying about this for years. Asking God to help me protect her. To help me parent her in a way that would guide her down the right path. And always, at the end of my prayers, every night, I say, "Please instill in my children the desire to know and do your will".
As you know, I went back to work full-time a little over a month ago. Part of that process has been letting some stuff go. I can't do it all. One thing I've been letting go is my "control" over my kids. What I thought was a sacrafice, is turning out to be a gift.
It turns out that I was asking God to help me with my parenting, but I didn't actually move over to let him in. I was asking him to work through my children, but then I was still trying to carrying the burden myself. He's been trying, I was just too busy controling to notice.
What happens when I let go a little? Claire begins to find her own way!
She is growing in confidence. She is challenging herself in school. She's "bragging" about her accomplishments. She is accepting challenges and rewarding herself.
She is finding God all on her own!
Here is her sweet story: A few nights ago she started reading her My First Study Bible again. She was reading it last night at bedtime and asked for 10 more minutes. I said sure and she asked me to come get her when the time was up. I head downstairs to do my stuff. 1 hour later, my Claire comes downstairs, "Mom! You forgot to come get me! I read the whole Bible mom, the whole Bible. You know, this is a good book!"
How sweet is that!
