Gratitude

I don't know what to say. I've been so busy. I knew going back to work would be hard, but it has certainly challenged me in ways I didn't expect.
I have had many "challenging moments" in the last three weeks, but they have all been over come with the same tool.... Gratitude.

I miss my kids.
I miss being there in the morning when sweet Ella is quiet and her voice is less baby, more big kid.
I miss Claire. I miss watching her do her own hair, pack her lunch, eat her breakfast and then throw her back pack over her shoulder and run off to catch the school bus. I can't help but remember how I felt when she first started preschool or the day the bus came for the first day of Kindergarten, and I followed behind in my car all the way to the school.
I love listening to Avery talk in her crib for half and hour before I even attempt to get her up. I love sitting in her room as she laughs and plays hard-to-get in her crib.

I miss my lunches.
I miss meeting my "mommy friends" or the grammys and grampys for lunch. I love good food and good conversation with my Ella.

I miss my afternoon break.
I miss my computer time. My email and facebook time. I miss organizing my to-do lists and sifting through my papers.

I miss afterschool time.
I miss making fruit smoothies for Ella. I miss playing the crib game with Avery again at nap time. I miss the "I'm home. Can I watch a show?" greeting from my big girl.

I don't miss the constant pull on me.
I don't miss the picking up, cleaning up, wiping up, washing up and fixing up.
I don't miss the mid-day boredom or the absence of adult conversation.
I don't miss the chauffeuring.

I like my work clothes. I like my co-workers. I like my office lingo. I like my independence. I like my sense of worth that I'm helping others through my work.

My opinion of the job, the day and the moment depend on my state of Gratitude.
When I'm grateful for my opportunity I don't miss the other stuff.
When I'm grateful for my nanny I don't miss the kid stuff.
When I'm grateful for the change I can make in the world I don't miss the me stuff.

Do I wish I could have it all... sure. Who doesn't?
Do I want to give up and go back to what I know and what's comfortable...not today.

Ask me tomorrow!

Thank you to my friends and family that continue to let me blow off steam, frustration, fear and guilt. Your support means the world to me.

I have to do what??!!

Okay, so I never thought going back to work was going to be easy.
I was totally prepared for my house to fall apart without me. I expected my kids to cry every morning when I left and to be waiting by the front window for my return.
I expected my husband to call me throughout the day, just because he missed seeing me at home during his lunch, or just plain missed me.
I expected my house to fall apart, dishes everywhere, dirty clothes piled high, homework forgotten and undone.

Well...not the case.

No, that's right. My kids are fine. Yea, just fine the little boogars. They don't even bother getting up before I leave and hardly notice when I arrive home. Now, Avery does always come running for me saying "mamamama or dadadada" but then usually laughs and runs away when I go to hug her.
My husband doesn't even seem to notice my absence. If fact, I think he likes that I'm up, showered and out the door before he even gets up!!
As for the house, thanks to Rachel, just as clean and organized as ever.

No, the only thing falling apart around my house is me!
About the 4th day I realized: I have to get up every morning and go to the same place. I have to shower, dress and drive everyday! I have to look nice, sound nice and act nice everyday!

And then, I have to come home, undress and start my second job. I have to take over for Rachel. Cooking, cleaning, playing and loving.

No, going back to work isn't everything I thought it would be, but it's great none the less.

I love my freedom! I love using big words and learning new things! I love dressing up! I love conferences and working lunches! Yes, I'm a big girl now and I like it!

Don't worry I miss my mommy life too. I really miss sleeping late! I know there will be days and weeks that I wish I could go back. But I also know that is not the plan for me right now. God has given me an opportunity to make a difference, to grow and learn. I'm going to take it for all there is!

Survival of the fittest

During my morning commute, I know it's still weird to think of myself as a "commuter", I listen to 107.1, our local Christian music station. It plays great music to help me get my day started on a positive note. It also has little "uplifting moments" through out the morning. Well, the last 2 days I just happen to be in the car when the same little segment from Max Lucado was played. It was called "Survival of the fittest". I thought it very pertinent to my present life situation.

Max talked about how we live by this motto, "survival of the fittest". We work to be the biggest, best, brightest, most successful person we can be. And then, when we do accomplish something from our ever growing to do list, we take all the credit for being "the fittest". Max's point was that the credit does not go to us, it goes to God.

I like this thought and I took it further in my meditation today. I realized that so often my life is centered around this idea of "survival". I spend my days in a mad dash to get everything done just right, to be the best mom, wife, friend, employee I can be. I make lists, plans and tactical maneuvers to make sure that I not only survive my crazy day or week, but that I come out on top, the "fittest". I think that if I get everything done, organized, cleaned, completed, tucked in, and loved just perfect then I will advance to the next stage of super-mom evolution!

The problem is, that's not the point. "Survival of the fittest" is not God's plan. He doesn't want me to be super-mom or to kill myself and others trying. He wants me to be the best example of His love that day that I can be. If that means getting on the floor and rolling around with the girls, so be it. If it means leaving dirty dishes, dirty socks and dirty diapers (well, maybe not the diapers) then so be it. "Survival of the fittest" does not bring me happiness. "Survival of the faithful" does.

Everything I have today, everything I am today, is a result of the Grace of God. My job is to live each day, at home and work, like I have been given that Grace. I need to be an example of peace and serenity and love, not chaos.

Now, before my liberal friends log off and never come back, I thing Darwin was on to something! There is no doubt that we have evolved over many gazillion years and that we continue to evolve. I'm not talking science here, I'm talking faith. I can't live my faith life with the same "survival" principle that guides the sciences.

As I continue to evolve, God, let me live not to take credit for all I have, but to live in gratitude and humility for the life you have given me.

Setting boundaries

I've been hearing a lot about setting boundaries lately.

I've always believed in setting strong, clear boundaries with my children. I believe they do better when they know what to expect and when to expect it. I know that my children actually feel more loved and secure when they can't do everything they want.

Here are some of our most common boundaries:
1. No violence. Hitting, biting, pushing, etc. are not allowed in our house, by anyone.
2. Nice talking. This is a big one. We have to talk respectfully to each other. That means that Dave and I don't yell or cuss at each other, really, we actually don't! The girls are also expected to talk nicely. Please and thank you, of course. But also we watch our tone. That is such a hard one, especially for me, but again, we have clear boundaries on what is expected and if that boundary is broken, there is a consequence.
3. Routine. We eat at the same time. We finish are food and take our dishes to the sink. We go to bed at the same time. When it's bedtime we pick up, jammies, teeth and book. There are no exceptions, there is also no whining because we've established the rule and it doesn't change.
4. Friends. This is a new one for us. As the girls grow older we are beginning to establish some boundaries with friends. How often we can "go out". How long friends can come over. Finishing homework before after school playing. I'm sure we will develop many more boundaries over the next few years.

I'm also starting to notice that I have to set boundaries in other areas of my life as well. As I head off to my new job tomorrow, yes tomorrow! I see that boundaries are important in many areas of my life.

1. Our super nanny is moving in! We are all excited, but it has provided us with another opportunity to set boundaries. More for her sake than ours! : )
2. Work. I know that I'll need to set boundaries about how much I can and can't do. I tend to take on way more than I probably should.
3. Home. That is going to be a big one for me. I can not be super mom! I can't expect the house to be perfectly clean and picked up every night before I go to bed. I can't expect the laundry always to be done, the floors mopped, the girls rooms clean and get 8 hours of sleep every night. Something will have to give. I have to set boundaries on what I can do, what I need help with, and what I just have to let go.

Boundaries: they're tough. They remind us that we're not perfect. Life's not perfect. We have to make choices. We need to identify what is truly important in our life and what is superficial.

I don't know if I always set the right boundaries, or if I always will. I do know that God allows for room to learn. He is there, setting the ultimate boundaries, with his love and sacrifice for us. All I need do is trust and try to live within those boundaries.

New job

I am very happy to announce that I have accepted a position with GEAR UP Iowa. GEAR UP Iowa is a 16.8 million dollar education grant to be used to create college-going cultures in low-income communities. We are going to try to increase the number of Iowa kids heading off to college!
It is a great grant and I am very excited to be a part of it. This is exactly the kind of job I was hoping to get someday when I went off to grad school 5 years ago. It looks like I'm going to working with a great group of people, so I have a lot to look forward to.

So, that means I need to turn the running of this ship over to someone else... meet Rachel!
Rachel is our awesome, talented, smart, kind, funny, loving, caring, hard-working, God-sent, wonderful nanny! We love her! She not only loves our girls, but she shows it! She plays with them, sings with them and creates with them! We are truly blessed to have her! She is going to be running this ship now, caring for the girls and the house, and probably me a little along the way!

I know that things will change, and I look forward to it. I look forward to the challenges and the rewards.
I ask for your continued prayers and support as my family and I walk through this transition. With God (and family and friends!) all things are possible.

Uninspired

I've missed you old friend. It's been too long since we've talked. Yes, I mean you, my blog.

Yes, it has been awhile since I've posted. I realized that I have been quite uninspired lately. Nothing is catching my eye. I'm not noticing the cute stuff, the fun stuff, the unique stuff, nothing really. Except the daily stuff. The cleaning, cooking (okay, maybe not much cooking!), bathing, driving, etc. I've allowed myself to fall back into that rut, that stick my head down and plow ahead rut, that I worked so hard to get out of!

When I began my blogging life, it was to encourage myself to take pleasure in the ordinary. To notice the small joys my children so wonderfully appreciate. I wanted to stop and smell the flowers. I wanted to make a conscience effort to enjoy being a mom, wife and friend and not just trudge through life "getting things done".

So, I'm back! Back with my watchful eye and grateful heart.


What's new? I spent the night with my 4 year old, holding her hair back as she threw up. Then I had to get up in the morning, even though I was tired, and go to work. Where I plastered on a smile and helped wherever I could. How blessed am I?? Very!

As Ella and I layed there together, me rubbing her arm, her breathing softly, she leaned closer, spooned up against me and said, "thank you mommy, I feel much better now. I hope I always throw up in your room."


And, as tears welled up in my eyes, I said, "me too honey, me too."


Everyday that I get to spoon my girls, everyday that I get to be the one holding their hair back, is a day that God has given me more than I could ever have prayed for.

Swim Party

Thanks to Grandpa and Grandma Johnson
for a wonderful swim weekend!
We experienced the Adventureland Swim Park

for the first time. What an awesome time!

My little fish loved it!

Ella was as cute as ever. Being the least experienced of my fish,
she chose to keep her water wings on the WHOLE time.

Now, one of the pools was only 1 1/2 feet deep,

but that didn't stop her!

However, she was braver than usual

when it came to the water slides.

She went down all of them!

Claire, my big fish, loved it. She had her goggles and she was off.

Claire loves to swim. I think she is the most comfortable

when she is in water!

Her favorite part was the big water slide and

bellying up to the pool side bar for a smoothie.

Oh no! We're in trouble!!

Avery couldn't get enough of the water.
She is definitely going to follow in Big Fish's

fin prints! Her first reaction was hesitation.

She walked out to the pool area with her

usual furrowed brow. But, it didn't take her

more than 5 minutes to start putting her face

in and splashing and laughing!

Avery soon discovered that jumping in was her favorite.

She would beg and beg to put up on the side and then

she would hold on to your fingers and "jump" in!

She'd laugh and laugh and the beg for more.

She was so cold and shivering, but loved it none the less.

As for mom and dad, we just loved being able to relax with our girls. We loved watching them swim and play and laugh and splash. We enjoyed hanging out with G and G and Jamie. It was so much fun to play games and eat and eat and eat!

It was truly a wonderful weekend and we thank you!